Bisexual Girls Club

That Ex-Plains It

I think I finally figured it out. Why is it that it bothered me so much with the whole ex-thing?

if it wasn’t the sex then I must have cared a little. Or maybe I wanted to care more. And that way it just wouldn’t be cheap sex. If it was great sex, then that would be okay too. That would be another story because I would know it was just lust and I could understand that too. But now I guess I don’t even understand myself either. I guess I just want people to give a damn and that right there is my freaking problem.

While it’s true that I just want people to give a damn, I don’t think that was necessarily my issue here. Yeah, I probably wanted him to care a little more. I mean, who doesn’t want to feel special or like they matter more than they probably do. I think I figured it out when I said that maybe I wanted to care more. And that’s just it. I didn’t really care that much either. And so, even though the sex wasn’t so great, at least not after a couple of times, I probably just wanted the cheap easy sex too.

I realize that makes me look awful in a way, but in another way not. I mean, I guess it’s the same thing I was accusing him of, which was that he just wanted to get laid. Well, it’s not like that was such a bad thing in it of itself. I want to get laid too and for anybody else who wants to get laid, well there’s nothing wrong with that. It bothered me that that is all he wanted from me yes, but when I think of it some more, that’s really all I wanted from him. And then I struggled to reconcile that in my mind. I wanted to want more from the whole thing because then I might feel more important somehow.

But when I really look inside myself, I see that agreeing to meet up with my ex was because I kind of knew or hoped he would be an easy lay. And then when it wasn’t as good anymore, then maybe that’s when I just plain got bored. Or maybe it wasn’t as good anymore because I was bored. And maybe it pissed me off that it wasn’t boring for him so he was kind of having more fun than I was. Hmmm…

All the while, what I really liked about him was that he was new (albeit someone I’d been with before, it had been so long that he might as well have been new) and different and then certainly easy. He was also the only other one really available at the time. In other words, I had nothing else going on (a man other than Lex that is), so I might as well have sex with him. And in many ways it was all pretty shallow on my part. I admit it, sometimes I just want to get physical.

Nonetheless, I was looking for easy sex from someone whom I found to be very attractive and that’s what my ex was offering, but ultimately that stopped being stimulating pretty quickly. It’s not easy for me to be comfortable with people and I am definitely very picky when choosing a sexual partner, therefore I probably make things much harder for myself than I should. Not that I’m saying I should just sleep with others indiscriminately, but since I’m looking for some easy naughty new sex, then I have to let go of my inhibitions better so that I can get more of what I want without having to look to people from my past who will probably ultimately fall short of the fantasy anyway.

Now since I’m confessing, well I have to say I didn’t really like the shape of his penis either. See he’s uncircumcised, which on it’s own is not a problem for me, but the fact that I couldn’t bring his foreskin down far enough to really see the shape of his head always annoyed me. Of course then I began to compare to Lex’s shape, which is absolutely beautiful, so certainly that was another “point” against the ex. And again that’s shallow of me, but I can’t help it if I like to a certain shape. I would like to be able to just pick any hot guy off the street and just get the sex I want and have him then just leave me alone after that or at least not be annoying (as they invariably are), but I can’t tell just from seeing a hot guy if he’s going to have the right size, shape or know how to use it. I just never know for sure if I’m really going to want the guy until he drops his pants. Sometimes I just want to get laid right and have a good orgasm. Is that too much to ask for?

The Ex Door

An ex-lover contacted me last week. The last time I emailed him, I told him I did not want to open up “this door” again. I guess he did not understand what that meant. Either that or he was bored and thought I would be an easy lay. I should have ignored his message, but I was trying to be nice. Eventually he asked me out to lunch. I declined and he said he understood. That seemed simple enough. He was never much for words. It just bothered me so much that he was so unmoved. And here he comes to disturb my peace. I mean I said goodbye and that was that. So why stir the pot suddenly if you don’t even care about the results? To me that’s just plain cruel.

He even told me long ago that he thought I was the one. Those words scared me and were not something I ever wanted from him. So if I would have slept with him regardless, why use such language when it’s meaningless? It’s just pointless confusion added into the mix and false complication which truly disturb me. I don’t understand people sometimes. How they can complicate a situation and not be affected. I like to keep things simple, but when it gets complicated, it affects me strongly and I take it to heart. Maybe I just wanted him to care a little more and that’s stupid of me. Because maybe I don’t want to be wrong in my initial thinking that he was different. And then it makes me wonder why I gave him as much time as I did. Why I cared even a little.

I was glad to be rid of him because I saw he could never really care very much. I got over him pretty soon after I said goodbye though I had to promise myself I wouldn’t think of him because it always bothered me how he could be so unfeeling with someone he had known from way back when. The history doesn’t mean much, I know, but shouldn’t it mean a little more than just a romp in the hay? Then he had to come by again and it doesn’t settle right for me. And his simple words just served to piss me off.

I used to think he was so patient and such a nice guy, but the truth is he was probably like that because he was just not a very passionate man; at least not passionate enough for me. I think I was into the idea of him more than the reality of him. I’m not even sure why I stayed with him as long as I did the first time. I don’t even know why I went back to him when he came looking for me the second time. I don’t know why I responded to him at all when he came looking for me this now third time.

He’d be good in bed once or twice, then it was just the same boring thing over and again. Unfortunately it wasn’t a very orgasmic experience overall. Pardon me, but if possible I want to have at least one orgasm every time. Okay, I’ll forgo it now and again without making a big deal about it, but when no orgasm becomes the norm - well you just can’t expect to keep a multi-orgasmic woman satisfied that way. I don’t think he even knows what a female orgasm is. That’s a pretty unfortunate thing.

So if it wasn’t the sex then I must have cared a little. Or maybe I wanted to care more. And that way it just wouldn’t be cheap sex. If it was great sex, then that would be okay too. That would be another story because I would know it was just lust and I could understand that too. But now I guess I don’t even understand myself either. I guess I just want people to give a damn and that right there is my freaking problem.

Finally I told him to get rid of my email address. I should have blocked him. “Okay, have fun.” Just a simple message from him - two days later. Again with the dispassionate tone. Why did he even bother to continue responding at that point? That really pissed me off. What makes someone contact an ex and not try to do anything meaningful with it? I reiterate, he just wanted to get laid. So I finally told him to leave me alone and that I would block him. Not my most mature moment. As I’ve already stated, I really should have just ignored his message. And now I have to put him out of my mind for good. I just hope he doesn’t change his email address again and try yet another time! I don’t want to have to change my email because this guy keeps wanting to scratch his itch as he pleases on my expense.

Some people think they can just call upon you whenever they please if you don’t explicitly request that they leave you alone. The way we left things the last time, anybody with a clue would not imagine they could come back again. We don’t even travel in the same circles. There was no longer any reason for us to look for each other.

So while I was willing to give a little more, he didn’t really deserve my friendship. I just wish he had been half the decent man he was when I first met him.

I guess you can only walk through the Ex Door once.

Her Story

A particularly steamy date - this is her perspective of the night:

Your ruler, Uranus, meets clever Mercury and seductive Venus on January 15, and with a soft touch, focused mind and unfailing determination, you will be able to pry open even the coldest heart or most stubborn mind. Some Aquarians will dribble this power away on ego-driven encounters, one-night stands or unrealistic projects; the smart ones will initiate changes in their attitudes and show the world that they are among the great movers, thinkers and lovers of the zodiac.

That was my Planet Terry horoscope for this week. I only read it on the 16th, and was worried that maybe I had dribbled away my power for ego’s sake the previous day. Today I realize that this weekend I did indeed have a change in attitude and know that I have progressed and learned more about myself and my desires for happiness.

I have been into online dating for a few months now and have met mostly duds but a few possibilities just good enough for sex. Although I specified man or woman as my gender preference, very few women seemed interested or interesting to me. A week ago I got an email from a very cute, sweet looking Latina, and we got together for drinks and what I figured might just be a nice little hook up session. I got to her apartment and was not only very attracted to her but felt instantly comfortable. Moments later I met her roommate, Lex. He was a 6’5” skinny guy, a little dorky looking, but down to earth and down right charming. We had a few drinks and soon were laughing and talking about all manners of things. When I saw that there was only one bedroom with one bed I was a little pissed — I never responded to couples online who wanted me to join in for a threesome — after all, the ones I’ve had have always been uneven and not all that much fun. But, I just couldn’t resist Kat. She has this cocoa butter body, long curly soft dark hair, firm little tits, a little waist, and an ass that was taunting me. I figured maybe it wouldn’t matter if Lex watched, after all, I like voyersim and am used to it. They showed me Lex’ online blog, Naked Loft Party, and told me about their lifestyle. I was more than intrigued; almost mesmerized when I saw some of the beautiful pictures of them with various sexy women and Lex’ huge hard cock and invariably got horny as hell. Kat and I were on the bed, touching and kissing. Our tops came off and our breasts felt amazing rubbing against each other. Our long curly hair intertwined and her soft lips were on mine. I kissed her passionately and grabbed her ass and it felt like heaven. When Lex came over and started to touch us just a little I wanted him to touch some more. Soon it was an all out threesome, naked and dripping and soft and pulsing.

We were symbiotic, delicious, never awkward and always receiving and giving pleasure. Kat and I would be in a deep tonguing 69 while Lex was pumping his dick into her with his shaved balls falling into my mouth. Lex would be eating me out while Kat was on top of me kissing and licking — my right hand jerking Lex off and my left deep in Kat’s pussy. There is nothing like eating a girl out with her ass in your face while getting fucked deep and hard.

There were so many positions and pleasures, each a new delicacy, never anyone left out, always an appreciating comment or sound. After hours of this we were starving and went out for Chinese as comfortable as any good friends. We caused a commotion in a bar and knew we were too frisky for the general public. Back at the apartment we couldn’t get enough of each other, and stayed up late on a school night.

That was Thursday, and Saturday night, Sunday and Monday we existed in ecstasy together. Not constantly having sex, (when we weren’t we were still naked and undoubtedly feely) but forming an actual relationship that worked three ways. It suddenly seems to me that having a boyfriend and a girlfriend is what I’ve always wanted. It makes so much sense that I feel stupid to have never seen this as a remote possibility. Threesomes were always in my life as friends — why shouldn’t it work just as well with hot sex thrown in?

***

In my defense, she did arrive early and I was planning on taking her to another spot so we could get to know each other. I did not have any assumptions about where the night would lead. Although I won’t pretend I didn’t have some naughty ambitions, it’s never a deal breaker if we don’t have a threesome. Luckily it all worked out deliciously.

Eureka!

This was a poem written by someone else sort of as a dedication to me. In a way, I suppose, I had asked her for a threesome, but we worked together so we both decided it wouldn’t be right to mess with the professional relationship. I wonder if it could have worked out. I wonder if she still remembers this poem. I haven’t spoken to her in years and I doubt she would ever find this blog. Well, I found my copy so here it is:

Eureka! by a long lost friend who shall remain anonymous

I found her.

She found herself.

I found in her, myself.

A young, beautiful, innocent; yet, knowledgeable vibrant person.

She’s living a part of my life I’ve already lived.

I’m looking at her and seeing what others might have seen of themselves, in me, years ago.

But how long ago?

How far have I come?

How much have I changed

from her,

from me,

to me?